Adoption is scary. The thought of adoption was fairly vague and still an abstract concept to Jason and me, but now that we are filling out paperwork, the whole thing has become so real. And scary. Even just the talking about it part wasn’t so bad. But, the putting it down on paper part. Scary stuff.
As I lie in bed at night, an endless ticker of questions rolls through my head. Will we be accepted? Will we bond with our child instantly? Where is our child right at this moment? How do you discipline an adopted child who has been through so much? How old do kids have to be before they don’t ride in those seat things? Do six year olds dress themselves? Can ten year olds fix their own breakfast? What books do thirteen years olds like? What movies can a fifteen year old watch? How will we transport both a 90 pound dog AND a kid out of town in our backseat? Where will our child go to school? How will we work the logistics of afternoon pickup? And the one that plagues my heart the most: will I be a good mother? My questions range from the practical to the emotional to the ridiculous. I know it’s rational to be afraid. I know it’s rational to have questions. I know it’s rational to want to be prepared. But, there has to be a balance…I cannot drive myself crazy over the next weeks, months, maybe years about the how, the what ifs, and the minute details. There are so many things we don’t have figured out. I am sure there are things we will never figure out. But, I am trying to rest in God’s providence. As I read on a friend of a friend‘s blog, “it’s never wrong to choose to love someone.” What a beautiful statement.